DREAMS ARE OVERRATED: How to Be Productive When You Can’t Sleep (But Still Kind of Wish You Could)

So, here we are. It’s 2 a.m., you’re wide awake, staring at the ceiling like it’s about to give you life advice, and those sheep you’ve been counting? Yeah, they’ve unionised and are on strike. Forget them. Sleep is playing hard to get, so why not embrace your inner night owl and make these ungodly hours work for you? After all, while the rest of the world is drooling on their pillows, you’ve got a golden opportunity to do something fabulous—or at least moderately amusing.

Welcome to the Insomniac’s Supper Club. The only requirement for membership? You’re awake, and that’s pretty much it. Grab your midnight snack (ice cream counts as a snack, right?), settle in, and let’s transform those sleepless nights into something almost productive.

1. Learn a New Skill (Like How to Fold a Fitted Sheet Without Swearing)

Remember when you swore you’d learn to fold a fitted sheet without it turning into a fabric tornado? Well, congratulations, your moment has arrived! The internet is your oyster, and it’s full of tutorials on everything from sheet-folding to salsa dancing. So, why not pick something ridiculously specific, like learning to juggle while reciting Shakespeare? Or, if you’re feeling a bit more practical, maybe some basic coding, a new language, or the fine art of brewing the perfect cup of coffee that will keep you awake tomorrow night, too.

And hey, if the fitted sheet wins again (which it probably will), just call it abstract art and move on.

2. Embrace the Chaos: Procrastinate Productively

Let’s not kid ourselves—sometimes, insomnia is just the universe’s way of giving you a guilt-free pass to procrastinate. But here’s the trick: you can procrastinate productively. Instead of organising your sock drawer (unless your socks are plotting something), why not start a project you’ll probably never finish? You know, like drafting the first chapter of that novel, planning an elaborate vacation you’ll never take, or launching a podcast about your weird late-night thoughts (sounds familiar).

Will you ever finish any of these things? Probably not. But that’s okay because the point is to keep your brain too busy to dwell on the fact that sleep is just a distant, foggy memory.

3. Binge-Watch with Purpose (So You Can Sound Smarter Tomorrow)

We all love a good binge-watching session, but let’s give it a bit of a twist. Instead of zoning out to the latest reality show where people argue over houseplants, pick something educational. A documentary, a foreign film, maybe even one of those nature shows narrated by someone with a soothing British accent. The next day, when someone asks what you did last night, you can respond with, “Oh, I just brushed up on the socioeconomic impacts of the Mongolian Empire.”

Bonus points if you can incorporate your newfound knowledge into a conversation the next day. People will either think you’re a genius or seriously need more sleep. Either way, you win.

4. Channel Your Inner Philosopher (Or Just Confuse Yourself)

There’s something about the stillness of the night that turns us all into philosophers. Why not use this time to ponder the big questions in life? Like, why is “abbreviation” such a long word? Were twins creepy before the Shining? Or, if a tree falls in the forest and no one’s around to hear it, who posts about it on social media? Write down your midnight musings—you might just stumble upon some profound wisdom. Or at least have a good laugh when you find them in the morning and realise you’ve written a half-baked theory on why cats are secretly in charge of the internet.

5. Organise Your Life… Sort Of

If you’re the kind of person who finds organising therapeutic (first of all, who hurt you?), why not tackle a project you’ve been putting off? Clean out that junk drawer, declutter your inbox, or finally deal with that stack of old magazines that’s been collecting dust since the last ice age. You don’t have to finish (let’s not get crazy), but making a dent will give you a sense of accomplishment. Plus, future you will thank you when you can actually find your keys without embarking on a 20-minute scavenger hunt.

And if halfway through you decide you’d rather do anything else—like alphabetise your spice rack or colour code your underwear drawer—at least you tried. Give yourself a pat on the back and go back to whatever you were doing before.

6. Master the Art of the Power Nap

Alright, so maybe sleep isn’t happening tonight, but that doesn’t mean you can’t sneak in some shut-eye tomorrow. Use your sleepless hours to perfect the art of the power nap. Research the ideal nap length, somewhere between “just resting my eyes” and “oops, I slept through dinner”, find your perfect napping spot, and make it a part of your daily routine.

Sure, you might become the person who dozes off in odd places—like the office supply closet—but hey, you’re just being efficient with your time. And when everyone else is hitting that 3 p.m. slump, you’ll be bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and ready to tackle whatever the day throws at you.

7. Embrace the Quiet (And Try Not to Start Talking to Yourself)

Sometimes, the best thing to do during those sleepless hours is… nothing at all. Embrace the quiet, the stillness, the peace that comes with being awake when the rest of the world is silent. Meditate, breathe deeply, or just sit with your thoughts just don’t let them wander too far into existential dread territory. It’s a rare chance to be truly alone with yourself, free from the distractions of the day.

And who knows? Maybe in embracing the quiet, you’ll finally drift off to sleep. If not, at least you’ll have some quality time with your own thoughts—hopefully, the good ones.

Remember, fellow insomniac, the night is young, and so are we (at least in spirit). Whether you’re mastering a new skill, embracing the art of procrastination, or just pondering life’s great mysteries, your sleepless hours don’t have to be wasted. So, the next time sleep evades you, don’t stress—just make the most of it. Sweet dreams are overrated anyway.